17 September, 2008

Just when you think things can't get any worse

Well they do 10 fold.
DD has been caught breaking the ban I put in place (on Friday) She was caught out on Sunday when she snuck onto the Internet. To which she then lied to me saying that she wasn't using the Internet but I found out otherwise when I went through the website history on the family computer. So her ban is now for 2 months - it would have only been for 1 extra week but she lied and got caught lying so I made it and extra month instead. I am determined to make sure she understands that by telling the truth straight up is only going to get you into a small amount of trouble and by lying and then get caught doing so is going to get you more time out.
Last night I went through her room where I found make-up in a small Tupperware container hidden in her knickers draw. I then proceeded to go through her school bag and found the school diary (to which a parent is to sign each weekend) and found a note from the pc teacher telling me that DD had been given a bin duty as a punishment for disobeying a directive given not once but twice she disobeyed this order. This note was written in the school diary on Monday and my DD forged my signature to say that I had read the note. The Yr 8 coordinator had also left a note in the diary advising me that he expected not to see "white out" used in school diaries. This is again where my DD was going to forge my signature (she admitted finally after many more lies) I then found out the DD has been forging my signature for over 6 months using my signature to get out of participating in classes etc.
I asked her where the make-up had come from she stated then that she had phoned a class mate on Saturday (again breaking the ban) to buy her some make-up and bring it to school on Monday. DH had given both kids pocket money (I wasn't happy that DH had given DD money as she is on a ban). The class mate was to bring the rest of the make-up to school tomorrow (Wednesday). Bells are ringing here as DD story didn't add up and this didn't sit well with me at all as DH had only given DD the pocket money on Sunday afternoon. ????????
So needless to say I was so mad that I sent DD straight to bed after she had told numerous lies to cover up her forgeries. Therefore, I spent hours on the Internet last night trying desperately trying to get a direct email address for a teacher, but this is near on impossible to do and a generic email address is listed on the school website, so I tried my luck with it.
Early this morning I phoned the school requesting an urgent appointment with the Yr 8 Coordinator, DD's pc teacher and the school counsellor. I got an appointment with the Yr 8 Coordinator and DD's pc teacher first thing this morning to discuss DD deceptions, forgeries etc (but unfortunately the school counsellor was busy but made time to talk with my DD late this afternoon).
Both teachers were shocked that DD had been forging my signature for 6 months but the pc teacher said that she was getting suspicious about my not adding notes into DD's diary. I was advised that DD had 3 detentions last week, 2 for her make-up and 1 for her hair, now was my turn to be shocked.
Yr 8 Coordinator & the pc teacher were told of DD being bullied only a few weeks back by a fellow class mate.
They were both also advised of DD cuddling at school last week with her boyfriend, they were unaware that this had happened but knew who the boy was without my having to tell them who he was they just knew when I told them that the boy was 15 and DD is only 12.
After 1 hour of my trying to keep it together and not beat the living daylights out of DD for her constant deceptions, lies etc. We (myself, the Yr 8 Coordinator & the pc teacher) decided that DD would be constantly monitored by all her teachers and a report would be given to me by the end of next month as to her applying herself to her school work.
I am so afraid that the school will not ask her back next year with all the troubles she has been in. This is why I took her along to this meeting so show her that I LOVE HER and that is why I am doing this so she doesn't ruin a perfectly excellent education that we can give her (something I never had, and something my DH did but he threw it away to be Mr Cool).
During this meeting DD was once again asked about the make-up and when was she to get the rest back from her fellow classmate, DD said that she would get it later today from the classmate but the Yr 8 Coordinator said that he would get it from the classmate instead and I could collect it from the school office after school.
At the end of this meeting the Yr 8 Coordinator said he would go now and see the classmate and collect the makeup. This is when DD stated that she had stolen the makeup from where I had hidden it in my cupboard. This is what I had suspected all along, as the makeup was in a Tupperware container identical to those that I have in my cupboard. So DD is in more trouble as both the Yr 8 Coordinator & the pc teacher had seen DD lying outright in front of them. DD said she didn't want her classmate in trouble as the classmate didn't know anything about the make-up. DD admitted that the pocket money that DH had given her she had spent buying lunch and afternoon tea for all her friends.

I am not happy at all with all this rubbish my DD is putting us, as parents, through. But I will persist to try to show her right from wrong in the only way I know how.

After leaving the school this morning I had morning tea with Sandra and her DD but I was disgusted to find out that someone in my home had taken money from my purse. I don't know which child it was but, I can honestly say that DD does have a tuck shop at school that is open everyday and the DS's tuck shop is only open 2 days per week and that they can only buy things if it is ordered by a parent via the paper bag system.

This afternoon after school DD came home (after seeing the school counsellor) and made an apple crumble. The school counsellor suggested to DD that she do some housework to try and make amends this way and to also help my making tea once in awhile.
I have requested an appointment for myself to see the school counsellor on Friday so I can see what she suggests I do further with DD and her destructive behaviour towards herself, us as family and towards her future.

What do I do??? Where do I go from here??? Any suggestions???
Lelli

1 comment:

Cassie and Co said...

Lorelle, my only advice is to sit her down and give her some time lines. eg Now you can't wear make up to school, but I don't mind you practicing putting on makeup after you help me get dinner ready. Give a reward for something purposful.
I have found with teenage girls that they really feel the pressure of "other families". and given that she is in a big Catholic/trendy school, she may really find it difficult to be a part of a crowd. She will have to learn to find her comfort place.
I think that telling her she can maybe have two items of makeup, eg lipgloss and mascara as an example and that she can only wear these two things on the weekend. If she breaks that rule, then no more make up.
Give her the option to make the decisions, show her photos of trollops and show her photos of models. eg Jennifer Hawkins, show her that she really only wears a little bit of make up, not heaps all heavey ect. Get her to see which one is better, which one makes her look like a lovely beautiful girl and which one shows the community that she is a trollop.
The name she gets in year 8 will stay with her throughout high school.
She is so beautiful, she just needs to know that she doesn't have to try.
Hope this helps mate.
Cass