17 September, 2008

Just when you think things can't get any worse

Well they do 10 fold.
DD has been caught breaking the ban I put in place (on Friday) She was caught out on Sunday when she snuck onto the Internet. To which she then lied to me saying that she wasn't using the Internet but I found out otherwise when I went through the website history on the family computer. So her ban is now for 2 months - it would have only been for 1 extra week but she lied and got caught lying so I made it and extra month instead. I am determined to make sure she understands that by telling the truth straight up is only going to get you into a small amount of trouble and by lying and then get caught doing so is going to get you more time out.
Last night I went through her room where I found make-up in a small Tupperware container hidden in her knickers draw. I then proceeded to go through her school bag and found the school diary (to which a parent is to sign each weekend) and found a note from the pc teacher telling me that DD had been given a bin duty as a punishment for disobeying a directive given not once but twice she disobeyed this order. This note was written in the school diary on Monday and my DD forged my signature to say that I had read the note. The Yr 8 coordinator had also left a note in the diary advising me that he expected not to see "white out" used in school diaries. This is again where my DD was going to forge my signature (she admitted finally after many more lies) I then found out the DD has been forging my signature for over 6 months using my signature to get out of participating in classes etc.
I asked her where the make-up had come from she stated then that she had phoned a class mate on Saturday (again breaking the ban) to buy her some make-up and bring it to school on Monday. DH had given both kids pocket money (I wasn't happy that DH had given DD money as she is on a ban). The class mate was to bring the rest of the make-up to school tomorrow (Wednesday). Bells are ringing here as DD story didn't add up and this didn't sit well with me at all as DH had only given DD the pocket money on Sunday afternoon. ????????
So needless to say I was so mad that I sent DD straight to bed after she had told numerous lies to cover up her forgeries. Therefore, I spent hours on the Internet last night trying desperately trying to get a direct email address for a teacher, but this is near on impossible to do and a generic email address is listed on the school website, so I tried my luck with it.
Early this morning I phoned the school requesting an urgent appointment with the Yr 8 Coordinator, DD's pc teacher and the school counsellor. I got an appointment with the Yr 8 Coordinator and DD's pc teacher first thing this morning to discuss DD deceptions, forgeries etc (but unfortunately the school counsellor was busy but made time to talk with my DD late this afternoon).
Both teachers were shocked that DD had been forging my signature for 6 months but the pc teacher said that she was getting suspicious about my not adding notes into DD's diary. I was advised that DD had 3 detentions last week, 2 for her make-up and 1 for her hair, now was my turn to be shocked.
Yr 8 Coordinator & the pc teacher were told of DD being bullied only a few weeks back by a fellow class mate.
They were both also advised of DD cuddling at school last week with her boyfriend, they were unaware that this had happened but knew who the boy was without my having to tell them who he was they just knew when I told them that the boy was 15 and DD is only 12.
After 1 hour of my trying to keep it together and not beat the living daylights out of DD for her constant deceptions, lies etc. We (myself, the Yr 8 Coordinator & the pc teacher) decided that DD would be constantly monitored by all her teachers and a report would be given to me by the end of next month as to her applying herself to her school work.
I am so afraid that the school will not ask her back next year with all the troubles she has been in. This is why I took her along to this meeting so show her that I LOVE HER and that is why I am doing this so she doesn't ruin a perfectly excellent education that we can give her (something I never had, and something my DH did but he threw it away to be Mr Cool).
During this meeting DD was once again asked about the make-up and when was she to get the rest back from her fellow classmate, DD said that she would get it later today from the classmate but the Yr 8 Coordinator said that he would get it from the classmate instead and I could collect it from the school office after school.
At the end of this meeting the Yr 8 Coordinator said he would go now and see the classmate and collect the makeup. This is when DD stated that she had stolen the makeup from where I had hidden it in my cupboard. This is what I had suspected all along, as the makeup was in a Tupperware container identical to those that I have in my cupboard. So DD is in more trouble as both the Yr 8 Coordinator & the pc teacher had seen DD lying outright in front of them. DD said she didn't want her classmate in trouble as the classmate didn't know anything about the make-up. DD admitted that the pocket money that DH had given her she had spent buying lunch and afternoon tea for all her friends.

I am not happy at all with all this rubbish my DD is putting us, as parents, through. But I will persist to try to show her right from wrong in the only way I know how.

After leaving the school this morning I had morning tea with Sandra and her DD but I was disgusted to find out that someone in my home had taken money from my purse. I don't know which child it was but, I can honestly say that DD does have a tuck shop at school that is open everyday and the DS's tuck shop is only open 2 days per week and that they can only buy things if it is ordered by a parent via the paper bag system.

This afternoon after school DD came home (after seeing the school counsellor) and made an apple crumble. The school counsellor suggested to DD that she do some housework to try and make amends this way and to also help my making tea once in awhile.
I have requested an appointment for myself to see the school counsellor on Friday so I can see what she suggests I do further with DD and her destructive behaviour towards herself, us as family and towards her future.

What do I do??? Where do I go from here??? Any suggestions???

14 September, 2008

Teenagers (where do I start????)

I can honestly tell you that having a teenager (almost) is not any fun whatsoever! I had to forsake my weekly morning tea with the girls last Friday morning (sorry Sandra).

Last Thursday morning I approached my DD & asked about her New Boyfriend and whether they were thinking about cuddling and kissing at school and was told a blatant NO!! MUM OOH YUCK!

Then to my utmost horror I read her text messages (later that night) from her new boyfriend (mind you he is 15 she is not yet 13) saying he loved the cuddles they shared during the lunch break in the school library. Well any mother would possibly hit the roof drag the child from their slumber and possibly beat them senseless (that is what I want to do) but I held my cool and phoned her father who was at work in the truck between here and the next town. So he promptly phoned the young man and told him to cool the relationship as the 3 year gap in their ages was not wise. To which he agreed to. And then promptly texted my DD re: said phone call saying he was happy to cool the relationship for a while.

So when DD woke Friday morning she was told her mobile phone was being taken away from her and denied that anything happened at school the previous day until proof was shown to her via the text messages.

During the trip to school my DD stole the Sim card from her mobile phone while my back was turned.

As I am at my wits end so I decided to go & see the counsellor at her school just to discuss what I could possibly do with this relationship with this older boy. I was horrified to know that the counsellor already knew the boy and the relationship he had with a younger student at the school but she didn't know which girl. I also found out during this visit that this boy was known to all the teachers for various reasons. But the counsellor was not surprised that he had chosen my DD (as she is a beautiful girl) as she fits the profile of the type of girls he likes. I also find out that the boys name my DD had told me wasn’t his name at all.

I wanted to show the counsellor some of the text messages sent between them and it is then I found out that she has stolen the Sim card from her mobile phone. I was gutted that my DD would steal the card. The counsellor calls DD to the office and asks for the Sim card to which she was told she lost it. After an hour of to & froing between DD friends in the search for the missing Sim card. DD is told to go back to class and I would cancel her Sim card when I got home but as a last ditch effort I ask her to check her pockets 1 more time and surprise surprise guess what the Sim card was in her pocket the whole time. Mind you though I could see it in her pocket the whole time but was hoping she would hand it over willingly. So needless to say I was HURT not angry but HURT that she looked me in the eye and blatantly lied to me and the counsellor.

I was at the counsellor's office for 2 hours but we did decide that the best way to deal with this situation is to speak with the boy and tell him to back off as he is breaking the school rules and it is illegal to have any relations with a child under 16.

After she got home from school she was told of the consequences of her actions. After the initial YOU EMBARRASS ME! I HATE YOU! I WISH I WAS DEAD! YOU DESTROYED MY LIFE! Blah Blah Blah. She was told she is banned from mobile phones, Internet, computer, home phone, digital camera, hair straightener, hair dryer, make-up, nail polish etc for at least the next month. Although there is a condition on the Internet & PC she is to be supervised & only school projects to done.

So I am not sure how this will go tomorrow at school but she has been quite good so far. The boy phoned on Friday night & she was allowed to speak with him for 5 minutes in front of me. Her best friend phoned Saturday night and she left a message asking for DD her return her call but this message was not forwarded onto DD, she can find out tomorrow at school.

I text the boy Friday night and told him (as my DD) that friends is all they should be. To my delight he agreed to this. But I am yet to see if anything happens tomorrow at school about this situation.

So I have to have 10 sets of eyes on her at all times to make sure she doesn't do anything silly like stealing my mobile phone. She was also talked to about suicide in case she thought about it (from personal experience she is aware of how suicide affects those left behind)

DD has good behaviour at present (but still annoys the crap out of DS) and is hoping that I will relent and let her have her hair straightener in time for school tomorrow morning and her mobile phone as her alarm is set on it to wake her. Keep wishing DD Keep wishing!!!!